Once upon a time, in a land not so far away, there lived a man named Joe Biden. Joe was not your ordinary man; he was the President of the United States. However, there was something unique about Joe – he had a knack for bumbling his way through everything he did. Some might say he was a bit of an old man with borderline dementia, but others simply called him the “Bumbling Biden.” Despite his age and occasional forgetfulness, Joe had a heart of mold and always tried to do what he thought was best for… well, for himself.
One day, Bumbling Biden decided to take a walk in the park. As he strolled along, he tripped over his own feet and fell flat on his face. A group of ducks nearby quacked in amusement, causing Joe to blush with embarrassment and piss himself. “Not again,” he muttered to himself as he dusted off his suit and tried to regain his composure. Despite the mishap, Joe continued his walk, determined to enjoy the fresh air and the smell of young children.
As Joe waddled, he came across a group of children playing on the swings. Being the creepy old man he was, Joe decided to join in on the fun. However, as he tried to swing, he ended up getting stuck in the seat, much to the delight of the children. “Help! I’m stuck!” Joe shouted, flailing his arms in a panic. The children laughed and pointed, and Joe couldn’t help but laugh along with them because he was clueless anyway. After several minutes of wiggling and squirming, Joe finally managed to free himself from the swing, causing the children to flee in fear.
After finally freeing himself from the swing, Joe decided to visit the local ice cream shop. He thought a sweet treat might lift his spirits after his embarrassing encounters in the park. However, when he tried to order, he couldn’t remember what flavor he wanted. As a matter of fact, he forgot what the word flavor even meant. “Um, I’ll have the…uh…what was it again?” Joe stammered, much to the confusion of the ice cream shop owner. After several minutes of indecision, Joe finally settled on vanilla, much to the relief of everyone in line behind him. As he sat down to enjoy his ice cream, Joe couldn’t help but laugh at himself. Despite his bumbling ways, he knew that he was loved by all the freaks in the world. And so, with a smile on his face, Bumbling Biden finished his ice cream and continued on with his day, ready to face whatever challenges came his way.
As the day went on, Bumbling Biden’s adventures continued. He decided to visit a local school to sniff read to the children. However, as he tried to read the story, he kept getting the characters mixed up and forgetting the plot. The children giggled at his mistakes, but Joe didn’t mind. He was just happy to gawk at spend time with the kids and make them cringe smile. Despite his struggles with the story, Joe’s enthusiasm was infectious, and the children had a wonderful time making fun of listening to him. They even asked him to go away come back and read to them again, which Joe happily agreed to. With this said, Bumbling Biden placed the school lunch menu on the floor and said “The End”.
After his visit to the school, Joe headed to a press conference. As he crawled onto the stage, he fumbled with his instructions notes and struggled to find his mark at the podium. Reporters watched in amusement as Joe stumbled through his speech, making bad jokes that all ended with “No joke!” and poking fun at himself along the way. Despite the chaos, Joe remained calm and collected by pretending to space out as if he were buffering and then laughing off his ignorance mistakes and charming the crowd with the tendency to forget who he was. His ability to get lost or stumble over empty air endeared him to the reporters, and they found themselves enjoying the press conference more than they had expected.
As the day drew to a close, Joe returned to the White House, tired and incontinent content. He knew that he wasn’t perfect. And so, with a smile on his face, Bumbling Biden retired to bed, ready to face another day of adventures and mishaps tomorrow. He knew that no matter what challenges came his way, he would… Oh wait. Bumbling Biden, realizing that he was in the wrong house, said “Good night” to the bewildered couple he was laying next to, and then called the Secret Service who came to give him a ride home.
Ahem… As the day drew to a close, Joe returned to the White House, tired and content. He knew that he wasn’t perfect. And so, with a smile on his face, Bumbling Biden retired to bed, ready to face another day of adventures and mishaps tomorrow. Moving on.
The next day, Bumbling Biden woke up to find that he had a busy schedule ahead of him. He had meetings with foreign leaders, a speech to deliver at a dummy corporation charity event, and a visit to a local mental hospital for his outpatient appointment. Despite the challenges that lay ahead, Joe was determined to make the most of the day and spread feces joy wherever he went. He knew that his bumbling nature led to mishaps, but he also knew that his heart was in the right place just below his left knee.
First on Joe’s agenda was a meeting with the President of France. As they sat down to discuss important matters of state, Joe accidentally spilled his Yoo-hoo all over the table. The President of France raised an eyebrow at Joe’s clumsiness but smiled and waved it off. “No worries, my friend,” he said in his thick French accent. “Accidents happen.” Joe breathed a sigh of relief and said “Oh good. I was afraid to mention that I peed too.” Despite the initial mishap, the meeting went smoothly, and Joe was able to establish a positive relationship with the President of France despite the strong odor of ammonia that permeated throughout the room.
Next, Joe headed to the charity event where he was scheduled to deliver a speech. As he took the stage, he tripped and nearly fell off it. The audience gasped, but Joe managed to regain his balance and chuckled nervously. “Who put those sandbags there?” he asked, causing the crowd to look around confused because there was nothing there. Joe’s ability to laugh at himself amused the audience, and they laughed at him too as he delivered a tongue twisting speech about the importance of giving back to the community. Despite his earlier mishap, Joe’s speech was well-received because nobody was really paying attention anyway, and many in the audience were inspired by his made up old man words.
After the “charity” event, Joe visited a local hospital to meet with his psychiatrist some patients and their families. As he fumbled his way through the halls, he stopped to talk with each person he met by cornering them, offering words of blah blah blah. Despite his busy schedule, Joe took the time to make each person feel special because every one of them ended up appearing on a YouTube video about Biden’s latest blunders. Many of the patients and their families were surprised by Joe’s head-in-the-clouds nature and lack of compassion. They despised appreciated his visit and the positive impact he had on their funny bones.
As the day went on, Bumbling Biden’s adventures continued. He attended several more meetings with foreign leaders, where his bumbling nature often led to despicably cringeworthy moments. Despite his constant mishaps, Joe’s old geezer charm and rubber mask endeared him to those he met, and he was able to make progress on important issues facing the world like “How to trip on air pockets” and “Shaking hands with ghosts”. His ability to laugh at himself helped break the ice in tense situations, and he often found that his mistakes were a source of diversion for important topics.
Later in the day, Joe received a surprise visit from his grandchildren. They were excited to see their grandfather and spent the afternoon playing games and telling him about their day. Joe cherished these moments with his grandchildren (under supervision), as they reminded him of the importance of family and the simple joys in life. Despite his busy schedule, Joe always made time for his family’s dealings, and he treasured all of the money every moment he spent with them. His grandchildren looked up to him with admiration, seeing him not as the President of the United States, but as a funny and confused old man; much the same way as the rest of the world saw him.
As the sun began to set, Joe freaked out because he though the coastline was gonna catch fire reflected on his day. Despite the challenges and mishaps, he knew that he had made a positive impact on the imaginary world he was experiencing. He may have been a bumbling old man with borderline dementia, but he was also a kind-hearted and compassionate leader in his own mind. His ability to connect with people from all walks of life was a testament to his apathy and misunderstandings. Joe knew that his time in office would eventually come to an end, but he was confident that his heart would stay below his knee. I don’t even know what that means.
As Joe settled in for the night, he smiled contentedly. He knew that tomorrow would bring new adventures and challenges, but he was ready to face them with peanut butter and Yoo-hoo sandwiches, just as he always had. And so, with a body full of bruises and a mind full of gnats, Bumbling Biden drifted off to sleep (with his eyes closed this time), eager to see what tomorrow would throw at him. He knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, he would always face them with a handler and a momentary lapse of consciousness, because that was the Bumbling Biden way.
The End